Today, I am feeling overwhelmed. My heart and mind are tangled in the chaos of everything I’m juggling—the weight of it all feels like too much at times. There’s so much going on right now: a new business I’m trying to get off the ground, family issues that are breaking my heart and disrupting my sleep, the ongoing deconstruction of my former religion, and the process of finding myself amid it all. It’s a whirlwind, and I’m trying to hold on.

Starting a new business is both exciting and exhausting. Crown & Bliss Head Spa has been a labor of love, but with that love comes stress. There’s pressure to succeed, to make it everything I envision, to bring something meaningful into the world. I’m pouring so much of myself into it, and while I’m proud of what we’ve built so far, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t daunting. The to-do lists never seem to end, and I’m constantly questioning if I’m doing enough or if I’m doing it right.

On the personal front, family issues weigh heavy on my heart. My heart aches in ways that words can hardly capture. The struggles we’re facing feel insurmountable some days. Sleepless nights have become the norm as my mind replays conversations, worries, and what-ifs. It’s hard to focus on anything else when the people I love are hurting, and the bonds that mean the most to me feel strained. I want to fix everything, but some things are beyond my control, and accepting that is a lesson I’m still trying to learn.

Then there’s my deconstruction from religion—a journey that has added another layer to all of this. It’s been an incredible, painful, and liberating process. Walking away from something I dedicated 44 years of my life to has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. At times, I feel like I’ve found a new level of authenticity and connection to myself and others that I didn’t know was possible. Participating in a friend’s podcast on a few occasions and sharing my thoughts here on this blog, have been highlights of this process. Sharing my experiences and exploring truth in a space that welcomes authenticity has been empowering. It feels good to show up as my most authentic self, to connect with others in ways I never could before has been both cathartic and empowering.

Yet, it’s also complicated. Balancing my new beliefs with relationships that are still tied to the teachings of the church is an ongoing challenge. I never want to offend anyone or make them feel like I’m attacking their faith. It’s a delicate tightrope to walk, and some days, it feels impossible to get it right. The fear of causing pain to the people I love is always in the back of my mind, and it’s exhausting trying to navigate these dynamics without losing myself in the process.

This season of my life is a paradox. It’s heavy and hard, but it’s also transformative. I’m learning that growth isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, even when it’s messy, and finding pieces of yourself along the way. I’m grateful for the authenticity I feel, the connections I’m building, and the courage it takes to keep moving forward, even when the path isn’t clear.

If nothing else, I’m reminded that life’s greatest challenges often bring its greatest rewards. And while today might feel overwhelming, I know I’m growing into the person I’m meant to be—one imperfect, heartfelt step at a time.