Yesterday, I found myself consumed with frustration as I searched for the keys to my new suite. I had just held them moments before they seemed to vanish. Resigned, I used the spare key and carried on with my day. This morning, the frustration doubled as I realized I had now misplaced the spare key as well. Borrowing my husband’s key, I tried to set aside my irritation. As I got into the car, I felt inspired to check the wireless charging compartment where I place my phone. There they were—my original keys. Relief washed over me as I drove to work, and an odd but familiar thought came to mind: Every time I have lost my keys, God has helped me find them. Every single time.

But I lost my faith, and I hear radio silence from Him. Which leads me to this thought:

Does Heavenly Father care that I left the Church? If He does, why does His silence feel so deafening?

During my faith crisis, I wrestled with doubt, questions, and an ache for clarity. If God truly wanted me to stay, would it not have been simple for Him to reveal Himself? He is, after all, omnipotent, all-knowing, and deeply involved in His children’s lives — or so I was taught. Couldn’t He have made my bosom burn with undeniable confirmation? Sent me a vision in a dream? Prompted someone to reach out to me with words of reassurance? He could have orchestrated anything to let me know He was there and that staying in the Church was what He desired for me. Yet… nothing. Silence.

This question weighs heavily on my heart: Why didn’t He intervene?

I know there are those who might suggest that I’m not listening, that I’ve lost the Holy Ghost, or that I’m looking for reasons to leave. Some may even think I’ve closed myself off or that I’m unwilling to be open. But that wasn’t the case. I was earnestly seeking confirmation that it was true. I longed for assurance, but instead, I was met with more unsettling feelings as I explored the gospel topic essays. My life hasn’t changed in a way that would suggest I’ve chosen to “sin” or turned away from moral principles. I’m still the same person I was before, trying to live with integrity. If God could guide and answer my prayers in the past, why is He silent now? I have not changed, so I cannot accept these arguments as valid explanations.

It leaves me wondering if God is perfectly fine with me losing faith in Him. If He is unwilling to show Himself, then perhaps my departure from the Church isn’t as significant to Him as I once believed. It’s an unsettling thought, yet one that feels unavoidable as I reflect on my experience.

I have always struggled to understand how God works. He is described as all-powerful, yet it often seems that the adversary’s influence is stronger and louder. How is it that the critics’ voices can drown out the still, small voice of the Spirit? How is it that His Spirit seems unable to compete with doubt and questions? If the Church is truly His, why does it seem like He does so little to prevent people from leaving?

To me, it feels as though God must be perfectly content with people leaving the Church. Otherwise, wouldn’t He intervene? Wouldn’t He step in to rescue His children from losing faith? And yet, as I look back, I see no clear signs of divine intervention in my own life to keep me tethered to the faith.

These thoughts do not come from a place of defiance but rather deep reflection and longing for understanding.

I would also like to add that I feel peace. Leaving the Church was hard, but I am content in my decision. I am not unsettled in my choice to leave; I am unsettled by the way the Church didn’t trust us to know the truth from the beginning. I am unsettled by the way the Church changes and evolves, not in accordance with its own teachings, but seemingly in response to the influence of the world. These are the things I wrestle with, but my soul… my soul is at peace with my decision to leave. Is that God’s answer to me?

My faith crisis was not an act of rebellion but a sincere search for truth. In that search, the silence from Heaven felt defining. And so I’m left with these questions that linger in my heart and mind, shaping my view of God and His role in my life.

Perhaps, in the end, the answers to these questions say more about God’s nature and expectations than I previously understood. Or perhaps they reveal that the journey is ours to navigate, without the clear and undeniable hand of a higher power guiding the way. Either way, it is a journey I continue to walk, seeking clarity, connection, and truth.