There are moments in this healing journey that catch me off guard—small, seemingly ordinary interactions that stir something deeper. One of those moments came recently, and it reminded me just how much old conditioning can still linger beneath the surface.

For most of my life, I was taught that friendships with men who weren’t my husband were inherently dangerous. Even inappropriate. This idea wasn’t something I ever questioned while I was immersed in the belief system that raised me. It was simply part of the moral framework: women should avoid too-close relationships with men, because it could lead to temptation, emotional entanglement, or even just the appearance of impropriety.

So when I wrote a thank-you email to one of my professors—someone who had encouraged me and offered genuine support during the semester—I found myself second-guessing every word. The message was warm, honest, and respectful. But after I hit send, I felt uneasy. Not because the email was inappropriate, but because something in me still wondered: Was that crossing a line?

And that question? That hesitation? It wasn’t really about the email. It was about me shedding old beliefs.

High-demand religions, like the one I came from, often impose strict boundaries around gender and relationships. They can distort the way we view connection, trust, and emotional intimacy. They can make us believe that even simple, genuine appreciation or platonic warmth must be carefully measured or kept at a distance—especially when it involves someone of the opposite sex.

But now, I’m learning to reclaim my right to human connection.

I’m learning that it’s okay to value a friendship with a man that isn’t romantic or tied to family. It’s okay to be kind, to express gratitude, to maintain respectful contact. I’m not violating anything sacred by saying, “Thank you, I appreciated your presence in my life.”

In fact, I’m honoring something sacred: the ability to show up honestly in my relationships, free of shame or fear.

It’s strange to notice how that fear still echoes in my mind sometimes, even after everything I’ve unlearned. But naming it helps. Writing it out helps. And choosing to move forward anyway? That’s how I take back my freedom, one relationship at a time.

“Letting go of old boundaries makes space for new kinds of freedom.”

This same topic came up again when I met someone through my deconstruction process. Rob was one of the TikTok creators whose content helped me early on, and later I had the chance to interview him and his wife alongside Nathan. Fast forward to a trip my husband and I took to Hawaii—we ended up meeting Rob and his wife in person. As we spent time together, I found myself having to actively unlearn those ingrained teachings. We talked openly, and I realized something important: being human and forming genuine connections is gender neutral. That moment was healing in a quiet but powerful way. It reminded me that I don’t have to filter friendship through a lens of suspicion or guilt.

“Human connection doesn’t come with conditions—it comes with courage.” That realization didn’t come all at once. It unfolded slowly, in real moments like this one—where past beliefs met present experiences, and I chose courage over conditioning.

So if you’ve ever felt weird for sending a message, making a friend, or even just expressing warmth to someone outside the “acceptable” boundaries you were taught — you’re not alone. You’re not inappropriate. You’re human. And you get to define what healthy connection looks like now.

And it can look like friendship. Even with men. Even when there’s no other motive but respect and appreciation.

It’s not weird. It’s healing.