I didn’t plan to take a break from writing or talking about my faith transition—it just kind of happened.

It was right around the time I decided to start the podcast, actually. You’d think that starting a project like that would mean I had a fire in me to say all the things—and I did. But almost as soon as I created the space, I realized I needed to step back. Not forever, just for a while. I think I needed to regroup.

There’s an emotional toll that hits when you start to truly realize how deep the church’s influence ran. It wasn’t just Sunday worship or callings—it was everything. The way I saw myself. The way I showed up as a parent. The way I trusted. The way I handed over authority. It’s overwhelming, and sometimes your heart just says, “Enough for now.”

So yeah, I needed a pause.

Not because I’ve stopped caring. Not because I’ve moved on and left it all behind. But because I want to show up differently. I don’t want to just rehash the pain. I want to support others walking this path without losing myself in the noise of it all.

I’ve also been focusing on other parts of my life—my business (Crown & Bliss), my school finals, my recent foot surgery, and my family. Those things ground me. They remind me that while deconstruction is real and necessary, so is reconstruction.

In the time I’ve stepped back, there have still been moments I couldn’t ignore—moments that struck a nerve and reminded me just how much the Church continues to affect lives, even after we walk away. In this post, I want to share a few of those moments. We’ll talk about what happened in Fairview and why it hit so hard, the strange and unsettling spotlight on garments, and the never-ending headlines surrounding sexual abuse within the Church. These aren’t easy topics, but they’ve been sitting heavy on my heart, and it feels like the right time to say something.

Fairview: A Mirror of the Bigger Problem

I’ve never seen a small-town zoning issue blow up like that temple application in Fairview did. It was more than just a building—it became a mirror of everything so many of us have experienced with the Church: overreach, lack of transparency, pressure tactics disguised as righteousness.

Mayor Henry Lessner’s final speech has haunted me ever since I read the transcript. He said, “You knew what was going to happen… I am really angry at you people.” He wasn’t just upset about a building—he was grieving the breach of trust from people he once considered neighbors and friends.

He asked, “Why does this church hide behind their attorneys?” And I felt that question in my bones. Because that’s what so many of us wrestle with post-faith—how decisions that affect lives are made behind closed doors, in legal silos, in Salt Lake offices, with little care for community or relationship.

Mayor Lessner voted for that temple under legal threat, not because he supported it. And that’s what so many of us are trying to recover from—the quiet (or not-so-quiet) coercion that says, “You don’t have a choice.”

What further unsettled me was the Church’s claim that a 120-foot steeple was essential to their religious practice. That is simply not true. There are temples without steeples—Laie, Cardston, and Mesa, just to name a few. It wasn’t about doctrine; it was about dominance. Just another example of a powerful institution imposing its will on a small town.

And unfortunately, it’s not the first time. Cody, Wyoming went through a similar battle over temple height and location. Despite community pushback, the Church pushed forward, legal threats and all. These situations aren’t isolated. They reflect a pattern of spiritual overreach cloaked in reverence.

Witnessing these events has been emotionally taxing. They serve as stark reminders of the challenges faced when confronting powerful institutions. It’s a reflection of why I needed to step back—to process, to heal, and to find a way to engage that aligns with my values and well-being.

Garments, Influencers, and the Sacredness We Were Taught

And then there’s the garments. Somehow, they just cannot stay out of the spotlight. It’s wild to me that something I was taught was so sacred I couldn’t even talk about them is now being paraded in social media fashion shoots by Mormon influencers. I’m sorry—but Mormon influencers? What even is that? It’s surreal. And frankly, it’s exhausting.

When I see this, it’s not about judgment—it’s about dissonance. I spent decades believing that garments were off-limits even for conversation. To see them become a branding tool is jarring. It underscores how differently things are interpreted based on optics and popularity—and how easily sacredness becomes a commodity when image matters more than meaning.

Sexual Abuse and the Never-Ending Headlines

Then there’s the sexual abuse scandals—again in the news. The cycle never seems to end. Just recently, the LDS Church lost a lawsuit against several insurance companies after trying to recover sex abuse settlement payouts. The court ruled that the Church failed to disclose prior abuse claims—effectively voiding the coverage.

One advocate’s words cut deep: “They’re showing once again that they care more about the money than they do about the victims.”

And it’s not just the headlines; it’s the personal stuff too. Like when my husband had a brief conversation with our bishop, and the bishop asked, “What’s bothering Ruth?” My husband told him, “The Gospel Topics Essays.” And the bishop’s response? “What’s that?”

It’s just unreal that a currently called bishop would have no idea what they are. These essays have caused deep turmoil in those of us who read them—because they revealed historical and doctrinal contradictions that don’t match what we were taught from the pulpit, in seminary, or in Sunday school. To discover that you were misled, even if unintentionally, is earth-shattering. And yet, rather than acknowledge the discrepancy, many members and leaders fall back on the same pattern: blame the doubter.

To assume that someone like me has “lost their faith” instead of recognizing that the Church has serious and uncomfortable problems—well, that just follows the familiar protocol of blame-shifting and gaslighting I’ve become all too accustomed to.

We’re talking about an institution that asks for loyalty and trust but can’t even ensure its leaders understand the Church’s own attempt to quietly release difficult historical information. And while all of that simmers under the surface, survivors continue to be retraumatized by systems that protect power over people.

Sometimes, you have to step back not because you’re done—but because you want to show up in a way that’s grounded, clear, and truly supportive.

And sometimes, before you rebuild, you have to rest.

Sources:

1. Fox 13 News. LDS Church loses lawsuit against insurance companies over sex abuse settlements. (May 8, 2025). Retrieved from: https://www.fox13now.com/news/local-news/lds-church-loses-lawsuit-against-insurance-companies-over-sex-abuse-settlements
2. CBS News Texas. Concern over controversial Fairview LDS temple continues after town council approval. (May 1, 2025). Retrieved from: https://www.cbsnews.com/texas/news/concern-over-controversial-fairview-lds-temple-continues-after-town-council-approval/
3. The Salt Lake Tribune. Fairview Town Council approves LDS temple despite community opposition. (April 30, 2025). Retrieved from: https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2025/04/30/fairview-lds-temple-church/
4. Wyoming Public Media. After controversy, the Cody LDS temple is approved*. (August 9, 2023). Retrieved from: https://www.wyomingpublicmedia.org/politics-government/2023-08-09/after-controversy-the-cody-lds-temple-is-approved